Sunday, March 24, 2013

I think something is wrong with my heart.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Everything but the present moment melts away into a puddle beneath our dancing feet. The future is nothing but excitement. All my pretenses collapse. You don't just know who I am, you know who I used to be. I do not need to hide my religion like a dirty secret. Like a sin. Those nights we'd break the sacrosanct silence with our laughter bellowing down the long hallway, bouncing off our glance of the world we'd never be a part of. Those were our biggest sins until we laughed in their faces when we left, even though we cried at night for months, reminiscent of the guilt instilled within us. "You have abandoned God."

God. What an elusive being. Someone I was willing to give my life to, and now somebody I am so unsure of. The most evidence I have for the existence of God is that I used to love him. I've loved my idea of a lot of people who turned out not to exist at all. Maybe I've abandoned my idea of God. But if I made this up in my mind, was it bad if it made me happy?

We all need to pretend. The rain pours on our faces and we laugh in each other's faces. The laughter drips down into puddles beneath other people's feet. When I leave our little world I don't know where I go. We were prepared for a life that wasn't like this at all. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

"once they have you, they dart, quick harsh little dagger eyes at the least impressive thing done by any guy around you. in the end, their lives are a mini universe in which they are sole king and ruler. the universe really is their bedroom scattered in dirty socks and broken stringed guitars, and records blaring loud voices, guitar riffs that might knock the crown off the next guy’s head. and would i give up my stuff, my secrets, my girlish giggles, my best friends and our mischievous adventures for that? no. not even. not even if it was urgent. "


"we interval the dancing with bathroom breaks, panting for air, our hearts racing as we hold the stall doors and try to apply lipstick. and i forget the cold chapels of boarding school. i forget my penance. i forget my long, silent days, the proper days, the strict ones. i forget the prayers i chanted that morning, to have a good day. i am having one. "

-Paulette Cameron

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

In the beginning was the weird, and the weird became flesh and dwelt within me.

By the powder of the holy spirit 
we came down from heaven.

On the third day she washed her hair. It will happen again to rule the well being of her head.

Friday, March 1, 2013

I wish we lived in the same city, for once.