Friday, March 22, 2013

Everything but the present moment melts away into a puddle beneath our dancing feet. The future is nothing but excitement. All my pretenses collapse. You don't just know who I am, you know who I used to be. I do not need to hide my religion like a dirty secret. Like a sin. Those nights we'd break the sacrosanct silence with our laughter bellowing down the long hallway, bouncing off our glance of the world we'd never be a part of. Those were our biggest sins until we laughed in their faces when we left, even though we cried at night for months, reminiscent of the guilt instilled within us. "You have abandoned God."

God. What an elusive being. Someone I was willing to give my life to, and now somebody I am so unsure of. The most evidence I have for the existence of God is that I used to love him. I've loved my idea of a lot of people who turned out not to exist at all. Maybe I've abandoned my idea of God. But if I made this up in my mind, was it bad if it made me happy?

We all need to pretend. The rain pours on our faces and we laugh in each other's faces. The laughter drips down into puddles beneath other people's feet. When I leave our little world I don't know where I go. We were prepared for a life that wasn't like this at all. 

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